Found Love for eternity and beyond!

And the year just zapped by,
The last blog post in January 2018...
I never thought 2018 would be 
such a meaningful, unexpected, happy year ahead!

There was this time i was hopeless,
I felt i was astray,
I took the day as it came,
& every day i said Carpe Diem!!

I started finding meaning to life,
Returned back to my loves...
Writing, Reading & Dancing,
The promise i had made to myself seemed coming true!

I found a part of me back
was on a journey of self recovery,
Hale and hearty,
Happy and ready to party!

And one fine day you happened,
Initially i wasn't sure if we would click,
Unsure and confused,
I thought lets give us a chance!

The chance i took was a leap of faith
Amongst all the matrimony chaos
I suddenly found peace
Like the puzzle of a jigsaw falling into place!

Something inside me, told me, it was right,
Even though it would mean, to move mountains..
Deep in my heart,
I still knew something was definitely right!

In the coming time, 
You dismissed all my doubts,
You proved, that you meat what you said,
That you loved and you cared!!

Everyday since then has been sunshine,
I won't say we don't have bad days,
But they have only led us to more and more love
And a deeper understanding of each other!

Surprises and love arrived in small parcels
for both of us,
it became a way of staying connected
When phone calls turned into video calls,
When we craved to see each other after a hectic day
and felt refreshed with conversations,
that would fill the void of distance and time!
There has never been a dull moment,
There has never been an uneventful day!

After 7 months of knowing each other,
Even though the time,
we have spent together is negligible...
I am so sure i want to spend
the rest of my life with you!
And with forever beginning in 10 days..
I know i have found
My love for eternity and beyond in you!!

P.S : love you to infinity and back! ❤️❤️❤️

2017: the year of the lost and found!

2017: the year of the lost and found..

So much crying, laughing and emotional dope!!

Thought it could be the most hopeless new years night ever!

But then it all changed...

The year began with a bang!

As the night turned from dull moonlight

To the first morning sunshine of 2017

The day began with the saga of ‘lost’ keys..

The week ended with the happiness of ‘found’

Whether it was just the keys or a new person..
In me or someone else,

It all felt good

Whatever stopped me from it..

I stopped it and let myself go with the flow…

I knew it would harm me..

But the heart prevailed over the mind!

As always the stupid me!

Thus began the saga..

Of another ‘lost and found’

I lost myself to an emotion I love the most..

And found myself a new me..

The new year..
The new ride…All felt so good!

Also, professionally was a high time,

Competitions, conferences..

All wins and no losses here too!

Boosted my confidence by leaps and bounds!!

Alas! Lost some most important documents,

But found it the very next day!!

As if the universe knew

That this year is mine,

And whatever I had lost…

Had to get back to me! Had to be found!!

I thought my luck was shining…

Indeed it was!

Like there was nothing left to lose..

And I let my heart continue its ride,

But I should’ve cut it off earlier…

Cuz in the end again I lost!

Before I had found enough!

Was I wise to even invest myself again…

To this kind of lost and found?

Was it true emotion or just fakeness all around!?

Never found the answer to that then..

But as time passed,

I found this loss,

Was a beginning to another great find..

My precious friendship,

With some lovely people around!

And my strong resolve to get healthy and fit!

And might be

This is the kind of found

Better than any loss!!

These sweethearts helped me

to adapt to my inherited loss..

made me feel more worthy!

and we spent so much time together,

happy, sad and learning..

on our way to continue,

my phenomena of lost and found..

in terms of  people and experiences!

then came the break time

we took a trip together..

to god’s own country,

thought it would help me,

to find a new me..

but I guess the pain of loss

had seeds in that country

and all that I could appreciate

was its beauty…

but not my own!!

it reminded me of a few scars I shouldn’t have revived!

coming back to my city that never sleeps..

countless nights spent crying,

insomniac ones, crazy overthinking, overeating days

nevertheless, soon work became enough

to keep the devils workshop busy!

Again I gave myself another break..

a forced and official one though,

from the routine schedule,

to another gruelling schedule!

from juggling between,

the rural urban postings…

and decorating my old house new!

revelling in the beauty of nature

to the developing of ideas..
of a dream house into a reality!!

this was another kind of lost and found,

trying to lose out on some memories..

while finding a few new!!

suddenly out of the blue..

found some lost clothes as well

this gave a sign..

as all lost things have been found

in the year that has passed by..

I will just find myself again too!!

And just when I thought that this was enough..

as the year was about to end..

expected nothing more of these lost and found..

came another big unexpected loss!

the pain of this was the maximum!

superseded all losses of the year!!

I pondered,

Was I really lucky then with the lost and found??

If I couldn’t find the person back

that was like my godfather,

my guiding light, another family..

I realised that this struggle,

has to be fought alone now,

and might be this will help me

find, discover my superpowers!!

So now as I stand at the brink of 2017…

I hope and only hope to find,

myself in a better frame of mind…

A better vision as taught by my lost teacher!

A better person as I always wanted to be!

A better daughter who can take better care of her ageing parents!

A better friend to the people who have been there for me!

A better year in terms of love and people!

A better experience than the current year!
A year full of pursuing hobbies i love..
travel, dance, read and write more...

May 2018 be less of lost and more of found!
All wishes and desires fulfilled...
And of happiness unbound!!

2016,the year in reminiscence

Being a year full of amends,
the year 2016 ends...
Made all the right choices
to make my life picture perfect!

From being strong and stubborn
to select my speciality subject..
From being dicy and doubtful
to put my love luck at test!

From trying to create a new persona
at a new place with new faces..
To maturing the doctor in me
with daily assesment of so many varied cases!

The past year has been
The year of new beginnings
All good and steady!
All so beautiful!!

From loving too much, too fast!
to giving my heart some new lessons...
From renewing the writer in me
to giving myself new fitness goals!!

It has made my bonds
with my old friends stronger!
The new friends i have chosen
have made my life easier...

I have no regrets whatsoever
'coz the decisions i took
the actions i executed
were all well thought of
a measured balance of my heart and mind!

It has indeed been
a beautiful year in reminiscence...
The memories it has given me
will remain in my heart forever!
The lessons it has  taught me
i shall forget never!!
With its no-nonsense nature,
it has enriched me as a human further!

2013 got worse
2014 was worst
2015 brought hope
2016 fulfilled some dreams
Now all the hopes and expectations
are pinned on the upcoming year!
2017 you better be better
'coz better is an understatement
I only want the bestest out of you!!

We have had history

Yes we have had history together
But i wouldn't like it anymore
We have faced rough weather
But i would like to stop it right here

I want to keep my past in the past
Cuz thats where its supposed to be
And move ahead with a speed lightening fast
Cuz thats where i am supposed to be

I don't want to be in a space
Where its all about you
I don't want to be in a mess
Where you don't even ask me a "how do you do?"

I don't want those shackles to be my master
And let your demons scare me
I don't wanna care for you hereafter
And be the carefree soul i was and still want to be!

Its been a while that i have been pondering
About all plans i made, all dreams i saw
When you came along
And the world seemed a sweet singsong
And now i am lost wondering
If i loved you, was it my crime,did i break a law!

If you didn't want to stay
Why did you even express a desire
And let my world astray
Where i killed myself with a burning fire
When i cried nights long
For the reason seemed irrational
And the season so burdening,
Evrything looked confrontational

Today i have moved on,
Made peace with me,my heart and your presence
But sometimes even your shadow frightens me
For i might fall for you again
For that is my worst fear, amd if it comes true
All those memories will come unguarded, uninvited
And again i will be lost on a journey without a destination
Again i would be doing things without a purpose or a goal

So, i now love darkness,
I now love being distraught
I now love not to love anyone
I now love not to meet people
I now love loneliness
I now love not to share my happiness,
I now love not to share my grief
I now love not to express

And sometimes i feel like pleading to you,
To please leave me alone..
I know our friendship is precious for us
But just give me some time to readjust
It might be easy for you to not feel anything
But it isn't that simple for me to get over with
this is a chapter of life I want to keep closed for now
Might be I will flip throught it sometime later...
Might be then i will take it as a learning lesson &and feel better...
So just let me be my way for a while
Until,
I find a way back into happines
I find a way back to myself...

The being twenty-something blues!

You know you’ve hit the blues

When everything seems out of control

And you don’t even have a clue!

Most of us from the twenties would associate

With this phenoma that I call

“The being twenty something blues”

The mind is too confused…full of questions,

Seeking answers to each of them but finding none!

Be it your education, job, love, life…

Everything in general seems screwed!!

There are times,

When you just keep on pondering…

What are you made for? Or what is made for you?

Maybe you want everything!

Maybe you want nothing!!

To be or not to be is the big question

To do or die such is the situation!

When gloomy days lurk ahead

When depression ensues unsaid!

When everything done is in despair

When all seems totally beyond repair!

The future seems bleak

The present seems weak

The past has passed

Many memories of it missed!

                                                   You feel alone…        

                                                   You feel nobody is mine…

You want to live the present moment…

You want to make it work to your advantage…

But you don’t know how!

When you want to act your age

But all you do sometimes is cry like a child

You can’t express the mess in your head

For the fear of being judged “silly” and “weird”

You judge yourself too much

Always think of self as “small” and “little”

Your ideas are big. thoughts revolutionary

You want to be someone…with fame and money

An actor, A director, A dancer, A singer

A writer, A doctor with big degrees and name!

But the times and finances are not much supportive

And things seem not going as planned, falling out of place

Coz education is priority,

All other hobbies achieve the status of minority!

It’s a time when even parents stop asking questions

Co’z you aren’t a teen any more

They want you to self analyse and score

All the goods and bads

Of the decisions you take

All the pros and cons

Of the mistakes you make

Their glaring looks,

Their baggy eyes,

Their drooping shoulders,

Their dried-up skin

All make you realize

The need for being responsible

Coz the tender seeds they had sown

Are now trees full grown!

It’s a time when acceptance and expectance seems ruthless

Be it by friends, your someone special or even a spectator!

When they love you, you feel like his highness!

When they ditch you, you feel hopeless,

It’s a time when rejection and failure seems unacceptable

So much so that the success of those who have moved ahead

Makes you believe you’re worth nothing and can’t do anything

Makes you feel so paralysed, that it saps out all your energy

It’s a time when you have to make the most important decisions of life…

Be it education, career or marriage..

When you don’t want to study further and are coaxed to…
You feel like Ranbir Kapoor from “wake up sid”

When you don’t have job and are desperate to get one…

You feel like the farmers from vidarbha praying for that one drop of rain!
And when you can’t get married to the person you love…

You feel like “har kisko nahi milta yaha pyaar zindagi me…”
The transient fleet of emotions

Makes you even more vulnerable!!!

Amidst this trouble..
Amidst this rubble..

Is the struggling you

Trying to figure out

What is that’s going wrong

What you need to do…to be strong

What will make you happy

What will help you break the anarchy

You know you need to take control

And steer clear of

What are your priorities

What are your preferences

Stop being a choice

Give all your thoughts a voice!

It is this time when you have to stand up for yourself

Co’z nor your parents neither anyone else

Completely can sense

The caught up you…

As you appear calm outside

But enmasse a storm inside

Co’z these aren’t silly problems of teenage

Or some psychiatric fits of rage

It is a fight deep down

Between the id, the ego and the supergo

A war to balance your life…
It’s a phase when you realize

                                                           Only you will be held responsible

                                                           For the consequences of your actions

                                                           Only you will be judged by your demeanour

This phase is the dirtiest

But once you overcome it will be the mightiest

Coz when you look back…

All mistakes made will be laughed off…

Will be seen as small hurdles to reach your destiny

All those who thought unworthy of you will be written off…

Will be seen as critics who helped you be sane mentally

All the right decisions will be applauded

All the achievements will be celebrated

All the hurt and pain

Won’t seem in vain

They will be glorified as your best teachers

All the distraught

Which you fought

It will be revered as your best preacher

Coz many a times there awaits a rainbow after the rain…

And there is no night which ain’t followed by sunshine!!!

GARMI...offo...isse daant ke bhagao! :P

The temperatures are soaring 

The weather is so boring!

Ceiling fans don't stand a chance

Nor is the season apt for romance

The deadly heat gonna kill us it seems

The month of May is no way

To get rid of it by any means!

The thirst never quenching

The humidity unending!

When nothing else seems to be the answer

And Nimbu paani is the ultimate saviour!

With the elections gone 

Load shedding is once again on!

Always the one to get step motherly treatment

The suburbs cry for some timely betterment!

When the sun dares you to come out of your comfort zone

The sticky dirty clothes make u moan!

The Air conditioners achieve God-like status

The bathroom showers seem to be comforters emeritus!

With all this garmi giving so much of pain

And the haapus marketing getting all the gain

People feel pinched, people feel burnt

With everyone around tanned,the aam junta learnt

Its not just the season

But the scenario which is the reason...

From the dance of democracy

To the ruins of bureaucracy

Everything seems worse than global warming

Its the pockets, the hearts that are burning

And not just people's skin!

Surely to cure all this we need a jin!!

For me the jin is the magical monsoon 

Like an oasis in the dusty sand-dune!

The cool breeze, the wet soil...

Which makes all the bitter feelings recoil

Transforms the political wave

Makes everyone behave...

Transcends the soul,

Makes every heart go rock and roll!

When kanda-bhaji and a cup of chai 

Is all that you need to get high!

The monsoons come with their own set of problems

But nonetheless the mother earth blossoms

With all the groaning toads coming out of hibernation

But some lovely chirpy birds coming too to your location

The puddles of water aamchi mumbai is famous for

And it wont get cured even this year i am sure

But this lightening, the thunderstorm

Lets you stand and stare 

Makes you warm...

And ends the deadly garmi nightmare!

Simply gives a much needed break to mumbaikars

Who are otherwise all time busy workers

All the greenery, all the heavy showers

Rejuvenates all your superpowers!!

The garmi ki ghamodiya get washed away

Keeps all your sour mood swings at bay!

Such is the charm of the monsoons

Takes away all the fear of sunny afternoons!

So these horrible summers are hated! 

And the lovely rains are awaited!! 

                      

PAINFUL FAREWELLS

And as the taxi pulled away
tears rolled down my cheeks...
The moment I had dreaded of
Stood still in front of me!
The day seemed a blur
But it made things much clear
Obtaining the ICC from PSM seemed a task
But after obtaining it began the real agony..
the pain that was hidden behind a mask,
For a lifetime which would last!
Went to acad to submit those papers
And to my horror they told me
"ID submit kara"
Didn't know this would be such a heart-wrecking moment
I submitted my ID with much resent
He put across it a big cross with a blue pen
And at that moment it seemed like a sword!
As if cutting off the umbilical cord
As if stripping off my identity!
In a moment, all seemed lost
And I wandered out of the office
helpless, aimless, worthless....
When the ICC came signed
Felt the bad times are over,
Cuz Internship was done forever!
But who knew...
the pain of leaving college would sting harder
Walked out of gate number nine
To find a taxi to carry back all that was mine
all my "sansaar"... as I called it always
from hostel to home... 
blessed was the moment
when on my way back to hostel
i met my teacher from 1st yr 
who was all praises for me..
i wondered aloud..
"i couldn't have been what i am 
wihout teachers like you mam"
grateful to such souls
who have appreciated and inspired me 
to work hard and stand strong!
she also mirrored my feelings
of the painful farewells that have to be...
The packing the day before,
had already made me nostalgic...
With one of my bff leaving,
Had made me cry loads alone...
To think of leaving campus, the hostel
The fun days, the sad days
The exam days, the outings
The college fests, the fiascos
All just pooled up
The memories of five and half yrs
Made me feel burdened....
The path ahead seemed more difficult
Than it ever had...
And my heart screeched with every tick of the clock
I belong to this place, this is my identity
This is my second home, this is my alma mater,
My friends here are my second family...literally..
How am I gonna leave this space, this comfort zone?
With so much happening in the day
The time came to lock my room
Might be it was forever!
My bestie asked me...
"How's this moment feeling?"
And within seconds it felt
That I would burst into tears
And the volcano of emptiness would erupt!
But she pulled me away saying 
"i am kidding, chal ab jaldi I fear your rotlu face"
There was no time left to express
All the emotions that had been supressed
The taxi had arrived and putting all the things in
My bestie bid me farewell as soon as she could
To save me and her from our saddest mood
Trying to be at her bravest best
She did not spill a tear, not even a farewell word
My puppy face I let her see
but knowing the emotional me, 
she rushed through a hug
And suggested "taxi me baith ke ji bhar ke ro lena"
I just sat inside amazed
Wow I didn't cry!
Waving the final goodbye
To all the happy and sad moments seen...
To all the buildings that passed by...
That were a part of the era that has been
all the emotions choked up my throat..
And as the taxi pulled away
tears rolled down my cheeks...